"The former vice-president's ears are cold. There is no cause for alarm at this time. However, out of an abundance of caution, we have decided to keep him off the campaign trail for a few days."
They noted, however, that if the condition continues, nobody should be surprised if he shows up at the debate wearing earmuffs.
"We aren't sure yet," said an aide. "There are a lot of variables, such as whether or not he is publicly shamed into taking a drug test, which would very likely require him to wear ear coverings."
But the campaign is quick to note that this condition is, in no way, related to the candidate's health. Each morning, they say, he wakes, dresses himself, does twenty push-ups, runs a mile, and then prepares for the day by reading long complex briefings provided by his advisors.
According to sources, he comprehends the briefings perfectly--and never puts them down to look out the window with mouth agape before returning his focus and saying "so where are those briefings?"
