"I almost couldn't believe what I didn't see," said a non-existent source. "POTUS committing acts of rape, pedophilia, racism, voter fraud, tax evasion, burglary, arson, counterfeiting, and abuse of power--all at the same time."
According to another source, who is as real as Santa Claus, there are no photographs, videos, or signed affidavits from witnesses. In spite of that, he says, law enforcement at every level should begin investigating as if the information is real, damning, and in their possession.
Although Republicans on social media are questioning the validity of the charges, now supported by over a hundred non-existent sources, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey is "pretty sure it's legit" and has vowed to change his company's algorithms to ensure that the story is tweeted, re-tweeted, and liked as much as possible in the final days before the election.