"It's bullshit," said the fallen angel, "He's been in the news for a few years and everyone's all 'he's so evil' and 'he's the worst ever.' I mean, what the actual fuck?"
Satan, also known as The Devil, Lucifer, and Beelzebub, is quick to point out that he has "sucked the soul out of so many humans it would make your Goddamn head spin" and that he would like to see "some guy that builds golf courses" pull that off.
"Don't even get me started on the golf courses, ok?" said The Prince of Darkness. "To quote a friend of mine, 'He didn't build that.' I got my problems with God, but the grass, the sand, the water... he made that."
Simply put, the world's most infamous demon just wants the recognition that he feels he has earned with an eternity of evil. But some on the left aren't in such a hurry to give him back the spotlight.
"He's going to have to be patient," said Nancy Pelosi. "This isn't about him, and he knew that from the beginning."
Taking a back seat to Trump, the devil says, wouldn't be such an issue if it weren't all based on lies.
"I mean, if he really did put kids in cages or take away healthcare, fine," said Satan, "But Nancy, Zuck [Jeff Zucker, CEO CNN] and all those guys are putting him on my pedestal. That wasn't the deal."
There is one thing about Trump, however, that the devil admires--the way he trolls the left, particularly on Twitter.
"Yeah. That shit is just evil. I'm surprised Jack has let it go on so long."