"Oh, malarkey!" said the seventy-seven year old presidential candidate who, ironically, actually appears to be dead from time to time.
"How the hell did this happen? And look at that photograph they used of me. Come on man, I look terrible. All wrinkly. And when did I start wearing glasses."
Aides rushed to assure the perpetually confused former vice-president that he was still alive, but the man who has spent five decades in government just became more confused.
"Listen, Jack. Don't... look..." he started, before losing his train of thought. "I guess Trump was right. I really don't know whether or not I'm even alive."
Staffers hurried to call Biden's wife, Dr. Jill, into the room. Then, the man who Democrat decision-makers inexplicably cleared the primary field for hugged her before offering condolences for her loss.
"Well, on the bright side," said Biden, "at least I don't have to debate Trump."
After being led back to his couch, Biden watched more details of RBG's life and accomplishments, which seemed to relax him.
"A Supreme Court Justice, huh?" he said with a bit of a grin. "Guess I had a pretty damn good life."